Yes, this is transphobic

One thing that really grates on me about the entire situation is that I feel like I have to be polite and civil and political about it. I guess that running around foaming at the mouth and screaming at the top of my lungs won’t get anything done and just get me some more counseling sessions- but I feel like I’m not truly allowed to call this like I see it. The closest I’ve gotten is saying to someone that the center feels like the least tolerant place for trans people on campus.

But it’s more than that. I think “Keith” is being transphobic and cissupremacist and is abusing not only his position but also his privilege. And he has a few privileges over me- he’s male, he’s straight, he’s cis. He’s also probably neurotypical and in a higher class than I am. I truly don’t know if he’s unpacked any of these privileges. And when we talk, he’s not just looking pointedly at the guns that sit between us, he’s waving various ones around to try and force me to shut up, sit down, and be a good little freak who constantly kisses his ass and worships the ground he walks on just because he deigned to pretend to respect me.

Quotes that make me feel better about this

SnarkysMachine commenting on gudbuytjane

Yeah. I often said I am more leery of my allies than my so-called “enemies”. There is just as much motivation to maintain privilege , while trying to usher in a kinder, gentler version of the status quo.

Can we stop using the term ally?

By self-identifying as an ally, you are building an identity on others’ oppression. This is profoundly appropriative, because it is making oppression you do not experience part of your own identity. It also furthers the Othering of oppressed classes, as it once again has people defining themselves in terms of not being the Other, and reinforcing the view of the Other at the margins.

So, if you’re acknowledging your privilege, seeing how you systematically benefit from it, and centering the concerns of those who do not share said privilege, you’re trying to be a decent human being. Congratulations. Have a cookie. And if you’re actively engaging in anti-oppression work in areas in which you’re not oppressed, you’re doing solidarity work. Just say you’re working in solidarity with members of the oppressed class. This centers the work being done, and the members of the oppressed class, and not you. Because when you’re a member of the oppressor class in dealing with a particular oppression, It. Is. Not. About. You.

How to be an “ally”

1. Announce yourself as an ally, verbally or through your many awareness wristbands, in case anyone forgets.
6. Use the phrases “not always” and “that’s not what I meant” when someone has challenged you, because they don’t understand what your real intention was and you shouldn’t bother learning what was problematic with what you did say, misspoke or not.
7. Tell people to respect your separate identity as an ally, since you are giving up a lot of your time an energy just to be an ally.
8. Point out that everyone should engage with each other in a “respectful” manner, and not get angry, so that everyone will learn, but in the event you get angry, your anger is always justified.
9. Ask oppressed people to educate you on basics of their “lifestyle” firsthand. Make sure you do it when they are talking about something important.
10. Say that you’re “still” learning as your personal disclaimer for any fuckups you will most certainly commit. That way no one can call you offensive since your “intent” was not there.
14. Don’t critique any of your behaviours as a part of a system of oppression, because you are only appreciating, not appropriating.
15. When someone of the oppressed group tells you to check yourself, or asks how you negotiate your identity, tell the entire oppressed group they are silencing your voice, which never ever gets heard anywhere else.
16. Use “previously” offensive words (towards your “allied” oppressed group) in a reclaimatory sense, because you know that words only have as much power as we give them.
17. Ask marginalized people to source their statements or give proof because they could be tricking you into feeling guilt.

“Tone argument” via the GeekFeminism wiki under the category Silencing Tactics

A tone argument is an argument used in discussions, sometimes by Concern trolls and sometimes as a Derailment, in which it is suggested that feminists would be more successful if only they expressed themselves in a more pleasant tone.
[...]
A metaphor for refuting the tone argument:

If you tread on someone’s toes, and they tell you to get off, then get off their toes. Don’t tell them to “ask nicely”.

Actually, ignorance IS transphobia via QuestioningTransphobia

Violence against trans bodies is maintained by ignorance.

Ignorance is what fuels the vast majority of transphobia, not necessarily outright hatred.  It’s what makes it hard for us to get work, what leaves us with few options to get by.  Combined with fear, it fuels the bathroom panic.

Ignorance is what makes it hard to get decent medical care.  When a doctor doesn’t know how to treat you, I’m sorry that’s a fucking problem.  When a housing shelter doesn’t have a  policy for people like you so you “just happen” to get put into your assigned sex to be put at risk of violence and rape, that’s a problem.  Indeed, it’s not overstating the case to say that ignorance directly contributes to our deaths.

Ignorance is what tires us out, what saps our energy by making us answer the same question with every new person, every new institution.  What makes us fight the same battles, over and over so we don’t have the energy to take care of ourselves.

The one thing ignorance is not is innocent, it is about having the power not to know and not to care..  and we simply can’t afford to be naive enough to think otherwise.