Hopeless

I don’t know how much of this blog I want to be personal, but it started out as a deeply personal blog and I already talked about our current situation a bit…

We keep ending up in bad situations despite trying desperately to get things to work out and, at this point, I don’t understand how anyone can have such bad luck anymore. We really are trying, as best as we can. We’re happy to work, but we aren’t getting jobs. Which just feels awesome, let me tell you, nothing boosts your self-esteem like a pile of metaphorical rejection letters. I worry that being trans (I have a masculine name and a feminine voice/appearance) is part of why I can’t get a job, prompting a spiral of dysphoria and wondering whether or not I should get on T.

Right now, we’re living somewhere that now no longer feels safe at all and, honestly, I’m sick of it. I’m exhausted. We are trying so damn hard to get things to work out, to get on our feet, and it’s just not working out. We may have to pay way more than we can afford to leave and I just hate being put in this position by someone who swore this wouldn’t happen.

When do things get better?

2 Comments

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2 responses to “Hopeless

  1. I hope things get better for you soon :(

    • Thank you so much. :) I really hope they do, too, it’s getting very frustrating, though- we keep doing things that we think will sort it out, we’re careful with money, we try to be responsible, we’ve applied for loads of jobs, and nothing’s coming through. :( We’re a lot luckier than we could be, though, our families can and will support us more than some, so I’m grateful for what we do have- I just wish I knew what to do to get on our feet.

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